Lying on the bed,
Eyes outside the window
And Mind miles away.
Seeing the rain fall,
The distant pitter and patter.
Lying on the bed,
Hand in hair.
Thoughts there and everywhere.
The season is rubbing off on me.
The monsoon is outside
And on my mind
As clock ticks and tocks,
The grey season makes me blue.
And I lie on my bed.
Today I picked up The fault in our Stars and began reading it from a random page. As I was reading, I imagined myself in the characters’ position, as you do. I imagined what it would be like to have a disease which kills you not only physically but also mentally. What it would be like to be a Grenade as Hazel puts it in the book.
It would be heartbreaking and scary, no doubt about it and I am not one of those weirdos who wish to be Hazel Grace because it’s oh so romantic. But I still imagine what I would do if I come to know today that my days are numbered.
And thus began my mental checklist of what I would do and what I should do if I have few months of life left. Midway through this discussion I asked myself, “Why don’t I do these things now? Why do I have to wait for a deadline before I start doing things I want to?”
Continue reading “The world is not a wish-granting factory”
My last attempt to write anything here was in September of last year and that piece of writing is untitled and collecting virtual dust in drafts.
I have mentioned my woes with facing blogging blocks on so many occasions before and this has almost become a habit now. To log into WordPress, check stats, check other bloggers and then move on to Pinterest in search of “Inspiration” and “Ideas”.
I have enough of that, I am by no means out of ideas and thoughts which I can put out here and I also have enough time at hand to maintain a steady active blog.
What I am out of are words. I am out of the art of putting my thoughts into words and I am out of the habit of doing so.
I write, I write a lot. But what I write is few pages long answers and assignments and Journals. Nothing that seems to have meaning when it comes down to things that actually matter to me.
For this post, I’ll try my best to keep it away from the abyss of drafts folder and publish it once I run out of thoughts on this topic. Which seems to be soon.
I have made promises of updating regularly and writing frequently to people but not this time. Not today.
Today I promise (more like plead to) myself that I’ll form a habit of doing what matters to me. Writing, Drawing and making notes. Though I would not bore you with the latter.
So to all my new subscribers and to people who had once subscribed/followed me but now have forgotten about this blog, I will be back soon.
Hopefully with things which won’t convince you to unfollow me.
So, until then, have a good time.
I am troubled and you must be too
The world is troubled and all its people too.
I look around and its chaos everywhere.
I close my eyes and there is chaos everywhere.
She yells, some shout.
They scream, they cry.
They exhibit their chaos,
Decorate it with jewels of pity.
Continue reading “Silence: The language of Chaos”
I lean forward to move back
and to move forward I lean back.
Back and forth,
Back and forth, I go.
I do this at the end of every day.
After the moon has risen in the sky,
I repeat this action.
Back and forth,
Back and forth, I go.
My swing creeks sometimes
which worries me.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
Which scares me.
Continue reading “Swing”
My last semester at the college is over and I am doing what many may call “wasting time“.
I wake up late every morning, skip breakfast and have my lunch. Snacks in the evening and then skip dinner. Then I go to sleep in the early hours of the next day.
The time in between is occupied by YouTube, Kdrama, Anime, Manga or mindless internet surfing.
I wake up in pyjamas and change into pyjamas. I haven’t stepped out of the house in over a week. If you call me now, there is a strong 92% chance of me putting my cell phone on silent and waiting till you stop calling me. If you text me right now, I may read your text later. After a week? Given the current state, probably a month or maybe just mark it as ‘read‘. I currently have 42 unread messages on WhatsApp, I haven’t checked messenger or instant messaging yet so dunno about that. I just deleted 144 emails without reading. Which I probably shouldn’t have done.
If you are reading this, it means that I have finally uploaded a post here after a year-long hiatus. But in my defence, it was my last year at college and I needed to study. But again, I didn’t do that either.
Continue reading “Just Keep Going On”
Have you ever wondered how is it like to feel like a stranger?
Like a fish out of water,
Like a teardrop in a loud laughter,
Like love in a heart of a hater!
Have you ever wondered how is it like to feel lost?
Like a drop in the ocean,
Like a needle in a haystack,
Lost… that you don’t know white from black!
Like walking straight in a destination,
When you know there is no way to go back!
Have you ever wondered how is it like to feel so confused?
That you don’t know,
when you’re treated nicely
And when you are abused!
Have you ever felt so much low?
And you don’t know what to do or where to go?
When you see all the doors around you are locked and closed!
Have you ever wondered how is it like to be in a non-stop stress?
When you never feel so sure about something you always have to guess!
when you feel like crying out loud
And spit that burden of these hard feelings inside you
However, these feelings you have to keep & suppress
Although, you are in the greatest need for a gentle caress!
Had anyone felt so much pain like this before?
‘Cause that’s what I really feel… maybe even more!
I don’t wanna feel like a stranger
I don’t wanna feel lost
I don’t wanna feel confused
I don’t wanna be in a non-stop stress
I just want to stop this dreadful feeling of loneliness!
Have You Ever Wondered?
Continue reading “Stress”