Swing

I lean forward to move back

and to move forward I lean back.

Back and forth,

Back and forth, I go.

I do this at the end of every day.

After the moon has risen in the sky,

I repeat this action.

Back and forth,

Back and forth, I go.

My swing creeks sometimes

which worries me.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

Which scares me.

My irrational fear reminds me of other fears.

Some logical, some not so much.

I think logical fears are scarier

only because they make sense.

Only because I know I should fear my fear.

Like thinking.

My thoughts and I share a unique relationship.

Not a happy one. Not a sad one.

My thoughts make me happy, make me proud.

My thoughts are where I can be me, be at home.

My thoughts are the only ones keeping me company as I move back and fourth.

And that’s what scares me.

It is mystical when my thoughts tell me about the stars I see and make stories about the universe above.

It is worrying when my thoughts tell me to jump.

Back and forth,

Back and forth, I go.

Alone with my thoughts.

Clutching to my seat as I talk to my thoughts. 

They mean no harm. Don’t get them wrong.

But I live way above the ground and people look tiny from my window.

and tiny as I move back and fourth.

My thoughts, they mean no harm.

But are just curious.

Wondering how people would look,

with me down there with them.

Wondering if I would hear air rushing past my ears if I jump

like when I move back and fourth.

Wondering if it feels like diving into a swimming pool.

A pool full of air.

My thoughts, don’t get them wrong.

They are just curious.

And I blame them not, I made them this way.

And I blame them not because it’s just the void talking,

the “L’appel du vide” the French say.

My thoughts, they mean no harm.

I tell them this “It’s not right. 

For it may harm my body and mind”

And back and forth,

back and forth, I go.

Sitting crossed legs,

back and forth, I go.

I tell my thoughts “The view from top floor is good,

let’s stay here.”

They agree and back and forth, I go.

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