Have you ever wondered how is it like to feel like a stranger?
Like a fish out of water,
Like a teardrop in a loud laughter,
Like love in a heart of a hater!
Have you ever wondered how is it like to feel lost?
Like a drop in the ocean,
Like a needle in a haystack,
Lost… that you don’t know white from black!
Like walking straight in a destination,
When you know there is no way to go back!
Have you ever wondered how is it like to feel so confused?
That you don’t know,
when you’re treated nicely
And when you are abused!
Have you ever felt so much low?
And you don’t know what to do or where to go?
When you see all the doors around you are locked and closed!
Have you ever wondered how is it like to be in a non-stop stress?
When you never feel so sure about something you always have to guess!
when you feel like crying out loud
And spit that burden of these hard feelings inside you
However, these feelings you have to keep & suppress
Although, you are in the greatest need for a gentle caress!
Had anyone felt so much pain like this before?
‘Cause that’s what I really feel… maybe even more!
I don’t wanna feel like a stranger
I don’t wanna feel lost
I don’t wanna feel confused
I don’t wanna be in a non-stop stress
I just want to stop this dreadful feeling of loneliness!
Have You Ever Wondered?
pressure or tension exerted on a material object.
“the distribution of stress is uniform across the bar”
a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.
In the recent years phrases like “I am stressed” and “It’s very stressful” have become increasingly common. So much so that stress, now, seems to be part of life. A normal emotion. Be it a young kid barely a decade old or wise souls who have been around for quite few decades, everyone is facing stress of different types in different magnitudes.
Teenagers today have the same anxiety levels as mental asylum patients in the early to mid 1900s
What you just read isn’t an excerpt from a dystopian fiction tale. This is reality and this is now.
This post is not about how to avoid stress or how to get out of stressful situation or depression because honestly, if I did know, I wouldn’t be sitting here late at night on my desk. Typing away when I should be actually preparing for my bed and letting my body rest. Both physically and mentally.
I also don’t know on what note will this post end. I am just typing my thoughts and whatever you are reading now was not planned.
I would like to tell you an incident which comes to my mind when I think about stress.
Two years ago, 26th of November, 2013
This was the day when my boundary of dealing with stress was crossed and my mind snapped like an elastic band.
Now to understand why and how this happened, you need to be aware of the unique tradition which goes on in every house where a poor little soul in grade 12th lives. (If you are not aware, you will have to read my post “What Should I Be? Doctor or Engineer?”
I was in 12th grade. And the final semester exams were fast approaching. Post our Diwali break, our lives get hectic. Though we soon have Christmas break but post November teachers are done teaching us the portion assigned to them especially if you are in 12th grade, there is a lot of catching up and revising to do.
With journal completion and certification and various tests and assignments, our teachers, parents, uncles and aunts, that annoying neighborhood aunty and even your favorite older cousins have some tips to share and they won’t spare a moment in reminding you that your grade sheet will determine your life.
Like literally what I did in three hour practical exam and the three hours I spent in examination hall will determine my worth in society.
So anyways a very typical Tuesday. College, Classes, Assignments and studies.
I remember it to be late afternoon and I was terribly fed up with constant pressure so I was chilling around in living room. Probably reading some thing not related to Science or doing something on cell phone but whatever it was, it ticked off my mom’s alarm. The next thing I know, she is scolding me saying how I am wasting my time and how I need to get studying and all. Quite honestly I wasn’t the most sincere student but at that moment the last thing I needed reminder for was of my upcoming inevitable doom. After a little argument and me rushing into my room and slamming the door, the hopeless, loathsome feeling settled on me and I couldn’t help but cry. After crying for a while I walked out of my room into the living room and out of the door. That’s it. I just walked out of my house, walked out on my brother who kept asking me where I was going in my pajama shorts.
I was “lost” for half an hour. I had my cell phone with me so my mom kept calling and soon my dad did too. I ignored them.
Luckily I had no plans of killing myself or anyone else. So nothing much happened but when I think about it now, a lot could have happened.
Where was I you may wonder?
Physically I was laying atop an old slide in an empty playground but mentally, I was on the clouds I was looking at. Trying to find some peace of mind and a reason for continuing my existence.
I didn’t want to cause my parents any further anxiety or give them a reason to worry so I soon returned home. and also cause I had found a reason to live. My family.
As cliche as it sounds, if I didn’t have anyone back at home worried about me I don’t think I would be here typing this. I am not saying I would have ended my life. No I wasn’t suicidal at the time but I surely would have ran away to somewhere where I couldn’t find myself. Where I wouldn’t have to face my life, my responsibilities and its problems.
I am certain I am not the only one who have such thoughts. I am sure many of you reading this would have at some point of your life wished to just run away. To be far away from reality.
What astonishes me is that all the creatures, be it insects or mammals or even plants, try hard to avoid stress. And we humans actually have a better chance of avoiding stress considering how very wise and able we are. But all we do is cause stress or be stressed.
It is pretty obvious that humans are in self destruct mode. No spieces can survive forever. So sooner or later humans will go extinct and Earth will be ruled by more wiser beings which I believe will have a greater sense of self preservation. But unlike Dinosaurs and Dodos we don’t need other species or some major calamity to wipe us off, we ourselves are enough.
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